my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
