Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
