Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
