You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This toilet bowl is my home.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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