I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize