every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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