Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize