it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
