I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
