But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize