Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You ruined the universe
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
