I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize