omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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