Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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