The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
