Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
