I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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