@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
