i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and she was petting her beer can
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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