be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
