we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
