I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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