Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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