i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
