omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
