So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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