i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
