great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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