There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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