She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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