that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am midnight drunk by noon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
