I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my being single is dangerous.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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