I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize