also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
