my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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