Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
