someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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