I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
