Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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