I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
