I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
