So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
