It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
