I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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