I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
