I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
