Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize