I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
