I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
