After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize