But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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