I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
