he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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