dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
