Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
