Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize