it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
