You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
