I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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