i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your cock deserves a montage
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
