Pants 0. Shit 1.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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