i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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