So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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