Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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