Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
