Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
