If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
