so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
