Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize