Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
