1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
