You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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