Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize