i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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