OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
