i think my mom watched the whole time
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
