I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
