We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize