this boner is exhausting
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
