my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
