no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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