im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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