So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
