Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
