I only kidnapped one of them. chill
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
