I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
