And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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