Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
