Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
