i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
