Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
