Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
