dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
