I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
