woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
