the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
