If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
