CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
