The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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