I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
