when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
