What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize