Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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